I met and fell in love with a boy when I was about 16. It was with this boy that was supposed to be a good Christian boy, but in a lot of ways was more of a monster. There was a lot of turmoil in our relationship, but being as we were Christians, and I “loved” him I thought things would get better. I thought if we really worked at it, we could make things work. This is how our relationship was, it was a struggle, and it wasn’t easy. This was the same boy I “lost” my first kiss too. At the time the kiss happened, I tried to convince myself it was perfect. I remember that moment flawlessly. We kissed, and just moments later I was alone in the bathroom. I remember smiling, but realizing somewhere inside myself that it wasn’t a real smile. I realized it was just lips on lips, plain, boring, and anything but spectacular. This should have been a HUGE red flag, but honestly I didn’t know any better. Months later the relationship ended, and it was hard. It took a lot out of me, it left me broken and hurting. Then, just a month after that relationship ended, Rob stumbled into my life. When I met him, I never expected him to be the one. He was young, immature, and lost in a lot of ways. I was broken, resentful, moody, and depressed. However the moment we met, the moment we started talking it was like fire and gasoline. We ignited, I poured out all the poison, all the lies I believed, and he was sharing his heart too. Months after knowing Rob, we kissed. It’s funny because he had asked me several times if I would let him kiss me and I said no. I didn’t know where we were going, and I didn’t want to make a mistake. Then one night, we were in a parking lot getting something from a car, and without saying a word we looked at each other and kissed. It didn’t last very long, there were no fireworks, but there was something else. An inexplicable feeling as though at that moment in time we were exactly where we were meant to be. It was perfect. It was the beginning of everything we’ve become.
Some people would be led to believe that Rob and I’s first kiss wasn’t special because it wasn’t the first time for either of us. They would say it took something away from our purity or the excitement of our wedding day. The fact is though, I’m so thankful for kissing my first boyfriend, I’m so thankful I had that horrible relationship. I’m thankful I gave away pieces of myself and got hurt because I know how lucky I am to be with my husband. I have a challenging, but effortless relationship with my husband that I never would have had with my first boyfriend. I know the type of relationship I could have, and it makes me so incredibly thankful for my best friend and husband. My husband wasn’t my first kiss, but he’ll be my last, and that means more to me than any first kiss ever could.