Did you do anything special for Valentines day?
I really enjoy holidays. If I have an excuse to go all out and have some fun I am going to do it! Valentines day is no exception. My husband have in the past gone out for a nice dinner, in reality though that's usually pretty expensive. Not to mention places are PACKED for Valentines day. So instead we usually do something at home. In years past, with tighter budgets, I've made my husband his favorite meal, and maybe got him his favorite snack. This year, our budget isn't so tight, so I planned a fun evening at home. I decided to cook something delicious and do a little decorating.
This was the view from the living room into the dining room. I would have loved for the crepe paper to go to the floor, but...we have dogs...and cats...and two ornery baby goats running around!
I would have LOVED to have put slips of paper in the balloons with reasons I loved my husband, and I also would have LOVED to have used helium. There is nothing more awesome than balloons floating in the air. I wasn't going for something fancy, just something festive and fun, hence the cheap plastic table "cloth".
I strung crepe paper from three corners to the ceiling fan, and then draped crepe paper all along the ceiling fan. My husband works night, and didn't get home till about 1 AM hence why it looks so dark!
The table was simple, white dishes, clear votive's and glasses, and silver star confetti. I would have loved to get some other tacky Valentines day decor but there wasn't much to choose from. Nothing fancy to drink, just our favorite sodas.
Here is our dessert, a decadent chocolate mousse cake... reminiscent of Olive Gardens black tie mousse cake. It was delicious, and we really enjoyed it. We don't do any expensive gifts for Valentines day. I made my husband this dinner and dessert, and also bought him two bags of his favorite candies. He got me a beautiful bouquet of flowers (which were on sale because by the time he bought them it was after Valentines!!), some chocolates and some new cheese to try. He did excellent with my gifts!
Did you do anything special for Valentines day?
Last month my husband and I shared our 3rd wedding anniversary. It’s hard to believe it’s already been 3 years. At the same time I'm glad, because it means we have many more years to go. I thought today I would share some of the truths I've learned over the course of our relationship and marriage.
-God is important. It is important, and vital to keep God in the middle of your relationship and marriage. You won’t succeed all the time, you will fail, but it’s an important thing to strive for.
-Ain’t no such thing as perfection. You are going to fail as a wife, a partner, and as a best friend. You will fail your husband, and you will hurt him. You will burn dinner, break something, or fall below his expectations. You are human, and this is ok. Learn to be humble, and apologize for your shortcomings. Don’t ignore your imperfections, face them, and fight against them. Everyone makes mistakes, but if you are not learning and growing from yours you have a problem.
-You are going to get hurt. Your husband is going to say something to you in a harsh tone. He’s going to fail to provide something to you, whether this is physical, emotional, mentally, or elsewise. This is natural, and normal.
-Don’t harden your heart. When you get hurt, don’t put the walls around your heart up. Don’t harbor it, don’t let it fester. If you get hurt, if you get disappointed, if you have a problem, pray. Then talk to your husband about it. You will feel better, and you will be taking steps is solving the problem.
-You gotta grow up. Once you are married you have to grow up. You don’t get to lean on your parents anymore; you don’t get to live your life for yourself. You are bonded to another person now. You won’t get your way, and you’ll have to be a woman and be ok with it. You’ll have to get your hands dirty, and clean up a lot of dirty socks. You will have to do things you don’t want to do, DO THEM. Don’t pout, don’t complain, just do it.
-Life’s not fair. This is a hard truth! You are not going to get your way. You are not going to be able to control your husband and your marriage. Unexpected things will happen and you will just have to go with it.
-You will fight. When you meet your guy, fall in love and get married you will feel perfect for each other. No serious fights, no annoyances. It’ll be roses and sunshine. Unfortunately you will get your share of rainclouds. You’ll wonder if you made a mistake, if he really is the one. Should you have married him? You’ll wonder how on earth someone could be so annoying! This is normal; you can’t spend forever with someone and always feel great about it. People get cranky…it’s ok! Try to stay positive! If some alone time, a nap, or a hot bath would improve the situation, do it!
-Don’t talk to others about your husband. Don’t. Don’t even think about it. If your husband has gotten on your nerves, don’t go gossiping, and chattering to your parents about it. Don’t talk to your friends about it. If you have a problem, you talk to one person, your husband. If you have a serious problem, talk to a pastor, or counselor. Don’t tease your husband in front of others unless you know, 110% he is ok with what you are saying.
-Laugh. When your husband messes up, laugh instead of getting angry. When he breaks something, scuffs something, or leaves a dirty handprint on the wall, laugh. The first time we moved I told my husband to be careful with one, fragile item. A pair of salt and pepper shaker snowmen. He broke them. I thought I was going to burst into tears, but I laughed instead. If you can laugh, please do.
-Communication. This is probably one of the single most important truths in marriage. Communication makes or breaks. You need to talk about life, love, hurt, religion, food, everything. Ask questions, ask what he’s thinking, and tell him your honest thoughts. Don’t talk too much, but know your husband as well as you can. And remember, as much as you know him, as much as you know his likes and dislikes, you don’t know all of him. There will be fleeting thoughts, memories, and much more you will never know. As much as you know him, there is a vast portion you don’t know. Also, it is so important to remember the most important communication is when it’s hard. It’s when you’re hurting, and when you’re angry. You need to tell him how you feel and why.
Reading all this may be discouraging. You may see a lot of negatives here, but don’t let that fool you. You will love your husband in a way you can’t even imagine. He will become your other half. You will realize you don’t know how you would function without him. The thought of losing him will take your breath away. He will be your voice when you can’t speak, the strength you need to stand, and the friend all your secrets are safe with.
What are your marriage truths? Feel free to share!
Have you ever been reading through your bible and read a verse that made you stop and wonder, “Is that me? Am I doing this in my marriage?” You get a little twinge of fear and conviction, and savor the words you read. I know I have. This is the verse I read that really stuck with me.
“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.” Proverbs 25:24
That description is so vivid. It would be better for a husband to live on the corner of a roof than to live in a mansion that houses a brawling wife. In case you were wondering the definition of brawling is “a noisy quarrel, squabble, or fight”. Worse of all, this verse is mentioned TWICE in Proverbs, and for good measure there is the following verse as well.
“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.” Proverbs 27:15
We all know how annoying the sound of dripping water can be, or any small, repetitive sound. Just think, we may be that kind of annoying to our husbands. Are you being a brawling, contentious wife?
No one out there should answer that with a no by the way! None of us are perfect, and we are all guilty of nagging, and complaining. It is in our nature to be sinful. It would be more unfortunate, in my opinion, if we denied such faults. We make mistakes, it’s ok, we need to apologize and move forward. We, as wives, as Christians, need to step up to the plate and make the conscious decision to be better. If you read those scriptures and thought, “Gee, this is something I need to work on.” Then don’t ignore it, make changes to make it better!
In my marriage I do my very best to be laid back about things. It is a natural personality trait of mine, but it doesn’t always come easy. When I have asked my husband to do something, and he hasn’t done it, it is HARD to hold my tongue. The same applies when my husband makes a mistake, I want to say I told you so, and lecture him, but that is not a way to make him feel respected. Here are a few tips to consider, to keep from being a leaky faucet.
Communicate. This is so, so, so, so, so important. Really, it is. The bible says not to be nagging, not to be quarrelsome, but it doesn’t say you should hold in all the frustration you feel. If there is something causing a problem don’t nag and pick fights, grow up and talk to him about it. Don’t try to be strong, and hard and keep it all in. When you do that you are letting Satan grab hold of your heart. You are letting tiny problems fester and infect your marriage. Keep composure when talking, and if you feel things getting heated, it’s ok to take a mini break.
Gentle Reminders. Send him a text, or write a little note as a reminder. Be loving, funny, and yourself though! Compliment him, tell him a joke, and at the end add a little, P.S. don’t forget the milk! or even more effective, P.S. if you remember to grab milk on the way home I’ll have a batch of fresh, warm cookies waiting for you!
It Doesn't Work. Has anyone actually ever nagged someone and gotten what they wanted? If you nag your husband every time he has the common courtesy to be honest with you, he may stop telling you things. That is not what you want in a marriage.
Do you have any tips to keep from being a Nagging Nancy? Feel free to share in the comments!
Hello! I'm Jaimie from Living in the Light, and I'm so happy to be guest-posting for Monica today. She's given me the privilege of sharing my story--mine and my husband's--and I can't wait to tell you how God has worked in our lives.
Monica calls herself "The Atypical Housewife." One reason I connected with her so much is that I'm pretty "atypical" myself--I like to call it "counter-cultural." I am a believer in the Triune God and a follower of Jesus Christ. I was homeschooled. I plan on homeschooling my future children. My greatest desire is to be an at-home wife and mother. All those things make me pretty different from the general population.
Something else that makes me atypical or counter-cultural is that I am almost 21 years old...married...and still a college student.
Yes, you read that right.
I was definitely an atypical teenager. Being homeschooled put me in a minority as it was, and besides that, I didn't date. At all. Not for lack of wanting to, but because I hadn't met a guy who fulfilled the (very high) standard I was looking for in a man. You see, I didn't want to date unless it would lead to marriage. Otherwise I would just be dating to eventually break up, and that didn't sound like fun at all.
The summer before my freshman year of college I finally told God, "OK. I'm good with being single for now. I get it. I have two amazing men in my life: You and my dad. That's enough for me for right now. I'm going to focus on my college classes, make new friends, and keep You as my highest priority."
The very first weekend I was on campus my freshman year, I met Joshua. We hit it off immediately. We started talking, and I found the first guy who I felt really comfortable just chatting with, and who I felt was genuinely interested in what I had to say. Plus, he was incredibly good- looking. And a Christian. And a Lutheran. (On our tiny, Christian, Lutheran campus, it's not hard to find fellow Lutherans.) But besides that, he was planning on being a pastor and/or a teacher, he had been homeschooled, he was from a bigger family (five kids)... the more we talked, the more I realized--this guy was special. Less than two weeks into our friendship, my mom mailed me the list I'd made of qualities I was looking for in a man. Reading over it, I realized something: Joshua fulfilled every single thing on that list.
We started dating two weeks after we met.
We got engaged six months later.
We were married less than two years after our first meeting.
Yes, I realize this makes us unusual. And young. I was not-quite- twenty when we married; he was 21.
No, we didn't really know what we were getting ourselves in for. Even while we were dating and engaged, balancing all the different aspects of our life (significant other, classes, jobs, other friends) was a challenge.
When we got married, it only got harder...but at the same time, so much better.
He's in the secondary education program majoring in history and theology. I'm majoring in English and theology. So a lot of our classes overlap, and we intentionally work our schedules now so that we have at least one or two classes together.
We schedule in time for lunch together.
We adjust our work schedules so that we are home most evenings together.
We make a priority of getting up at the same time, going to bed at the same time, and eating our meals together if at all possible.
The main thing is, we're together. That's the best part of this married life: belonging completely to each other.
Life is really busy. It's much more relaxed in the summer, without homework, but we're both working (me just part-time so I have time to do things at home) and that takes up most of our days. But we wouldn't trade this time in our lives for anything.
Maybe we sound like we're crazy...maybe we are. But let me tell you, this life works. And it works because of one thing: We keep our priorities straight (at least as straight as possible!).
God comes first. Always. Period.
Our spouse comes second. No matter what.
Then come family, friends, classes, and work.
Keeping God at the center of our marriage and our whole lives is what holds us together. An atom has to have a nucleus, or it will just fall apart. So too, our lives and our marriage have to have a nucleus--God. And it's He that keeps us together.
We wouldn't be able to do this without Him. I wouldn't be able to do life without Him. God placed us where we are right now for a reason. He is preparing us for our future lives and ministry. He's shaping us to continue to become who He has created us to be. He is placing people in our lives so that we can bless them and they can bless us.
We've learned a lot from this last year of marriage. It's not always been easy...but God is constantly gracious. He has blessed us immeasurably. And we're so excited for whatever else He has planned for us.
So know this:
No matter where you are in life...
young, in the middle, or full of years
a student, a full-time worker, or retired
a mommy, a daddy, a husband or wife
God's got you. He's got a fantastic plan for your life. He loves you more than you can imagine. And nothing in this world can come between you and Him.
Jaimie Ramsey is a wife, homemaker, writer, and college student. She loves being married, hanging out with her husband and their friends, cooking, taking care of their home, and blogging. She is a follower of Jesus Christ and a believer in the God of the Bible. You can find her on Facebook and at her blog, Living in the Light.
There is a lot of talk among youngsters these days about kiss saving. A lot of young ladies, and young men, are saving their first kiss for their wedding day. I cannot say that it’s a wrong practice, but I thought I would share with you my experience. See, my husband was not my first kiss. And it’s not something I regret. So, here is my story.
I met and fell in love with a boy when I was about 16. It was with this boy that was supposed to be a good Christian boy, but in a lot of ways was more of a monster. There was a lot of turmoil in our relationship, but being as we were Christians, and I “loved” him I thought things would get better. I thought if we really worked at it, we could make things work. This is how our relationship was, it was a struggle, and it wasn’t easy. This was the same boy I “lost” my first kiss too. At the time the kiss happened, I tried to convince myself it was perfect. I remember that moment flawlessly. We kissed, and just moments later I was alone in the bathroom. I remember smiling, but realizing somewhere inside myself that it wasn’t a real smile. I realized it was just lips on lips, plain, boring, and anything but spectacular. This should have been a HUGE red flag, but honestly I didn’t know any better. Months later the relationship ended, and it was hard. It took a lot out of me, it left me broken and hurting. Then, just a month after that relationship ended, Rob stumbled into my life. When I met him, I never expected him to be the one. He was young, immature, and lost in a lot of ways. I was broken, resentful, moody, and depressed. However the moment we met, the moment we started talking it was like fire and gasoline. We ignited, I poured out all the poison, all the lies I believed, and he was sharing his heart too. Months after knowing Rob, we kissed. It’s funny because he had asked me several times if I would let him kiss me and I said no. I didn’t know where we were going, and I didn’t want to make a mistake. Then one night, we were in a parking lot getting something from a car, and without saying a word we looked at each other and kissed. It didn’t last very long, there were no fireworks, but there was something else. An inexplicable feeling as though at that moment in time we were exactly where we were meant to be. It was perfect. It was the beginning of everything we’ve become.
Some people would be led to believe that Rob and I’s first kiss wasn’t special because it wasn’t the first time for either of us. They would say it took something away from our purity or the excitement of our wedding day. The fact is though, I’m so thankful for kissing my first boyfriend, I’m so thankful I had that horrible relationship. I’m thankful I gave away pieces of myself and got hurt because I know how lucky I am to be with my husband. I have a challenging, but effortless relationship with my husband that I never would have had with my first boyfriend. I know the type of relationship I could have, and it makes me so incredibly thankful for my best friend and husband. My husband wasn’t my first kiss, but he’ll be my last, and that means more to me than any first kiss ever could.